


Say You Will Or That You Wish You Could

by cumberhardhiddlesbitch



Series: The Rhombus 'Verse [29]
Category: British Actor RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, Polyamory, Relationship Discussions, Relationship Negotiation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:20:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27373339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cumberhardhiddlesbitch/pseuds/cumberhardhiddlesbitch
Summary: Ben needs Tom, but Tom is unavailable. Shannon wants to help.
Relationships: Benedict Cumberbatch/Original Female Character(s), Benedict Cumberbatch/Tom Hardy, Benedict Cumberbatch/Tom Hardy/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Rhombus 'Verse [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/715134
Kudos: 6





	Say You Will Or That You Wish You Could

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "The Nerve" by The Republic Tigers.

When Shannon got home, the flat was quiet. Usually Max’s welcoming barks would start before the outer door was opened, so she figured Ben had come early and was walking him. She slipped off her shoes and went up the stairs, proven correct as the inner door was unlocked. She headed for the loo and was washing her hands after when she heard the muted thud of the outer door slamming shut. 

“Shannon?” Ben called out a few moments later as he opened the inner door.

“In the bedroom,” she answered as she unfastened her bra and pulled it out her sleeve. Max came running with a happy bark and she knelt to scratch behind his ears. Ben leant against the doorjamb, his entire demeanor tense and anxious. “Hey, are you okay?” she asked as she stood up.

“I’m fine.” He pushed himself upright, his smile crooked as he held his arms open for her to walk into. 

She wrapped her arms around him, squeezing tightly. He made a soft sound, then took a deeper breath and blew it out, releasing a little of his tension. Not nearly enough, though. She pushed him to arm’s length so she could look at him. “Are you hungry at all?”

“I’m always happy to eat whatever you put in front of me, Shazza.” The corners of his eyes crinkled into an almost invisible smile.

Shaking her head while tsking, she slid her left hand down to take his and weave their fingers together. “Come on, then.” She led him out to the kitchen. “I’ve got some of that fried rice I made last week in the freezer.”

“For sustenance, that will do.”

She laughed even as she blushed lightly. “Since that’s what’s on offer at the moment, I’m glad you feel that way.”

“Alas,” he replied, sighing heavily. He brightened considerably a few moments later. “There’s always pudding!”

“Anything can happen, I suppose,” she said, snorting as she shook her head. “Would you get us something to drink while I get this started heating?”

“I think I’m pouring some wine for myself,” Ben said, making toward the cupboard where the scant amounts of alcohol were kept as Shannon put two servings of the rice into a larger microwave-safe container. “Would you like some as well, or something else?”

She thought about it for a moment before deciding that if Ben was out of sorts and drinking, it would be better for her to remain sober. “Just some tea for me.” She pursed her lips as she thought of what she’d put in the rice for flavour and light spice. “The vanilla chai blend, if you would.”

“Certainly,” he replied, opening the tea cupboard and getting down one of the hand twisted bags. “Does Pats order extra of these for you every time?”

“I mean, not every time, but I let her know when I’m getting low on my favorite blends and she orders a few extra, yeah.”

“Do you make a trip to the Olde Spot just to pick them up or do they post them over for you?”

Shannon snorted. “Like it’s a hardship to go there.”

“Well, you’re reliant on public transport so…” he shrugged as he turned to fill the kettle.

“Pats has offered to send them over if I ever needed, but I haven’t yet. I know the few pounds it would cost is less than I would spend to get there, but I’m always on errands when I’m in that area and it’s such a treat to go there and settle in for some tea and a chat.”

“It was an excellent find, for sure. I really like everyone there and the food and drink is outstanding.”

“It really is, and I’m so glad they take pains for us. We’ve been quite lucky in that regard.”

“I think we’ve been extraordinarily lucky in pretty much every regard.”

“That’s true enough.” The microwave beeped and she carefully took out the container and fluffed the rice. “Can you get me some plates? Or bowls, whichever.” Ben got two bowls and Shannoned portioned the rice. “Do you want to eat at the table or… ?”

Ben looked a bit lost at the question, his eyes flitting between the table and the sofa in the lounge, hesitating. 

“Let’s sit in the lounge,” she said, taking charge of the decision. 

He nodded, relief plain on his face as he headed for the sofa. She let him get settled then handed him his bowl of rice. She sat close to him but not right next to him, figuring he could move closer if he wanted to.

Ben fiddled with his fork for a moment. “We should watch something whilst we’re eating.” 

“Okay.” She got the remote from the coffee table and flipped around until they landed on an 8 out of 10 Cats rerun.

“This’ll be good,” he said.

They ate and watched the show, not really talking until it was over, at which point Ben turned off the telly and sighed.

“Yikes, is that an “I really need my wine glass refilled” sigh?”

Ben huffed a laugh. “No, but I could use some water if I’m honest.” 

“I’ll get us some.” Shannon picked up their dishes and his glass and went into the kitchen. Deciding to give him some time to gather his thoughts, she rinsed the bowls and put them into the dishwasher, washed the wine glass and set in the draining rack, then got them two large glasses of water. 

“Thanks,” Ben said as she handed him his glass. He took a long drink, then set it on the table as she settled down next to him again. She didn’t say anything, simply put her hand on his thigh, squeezing gently. “Obviously you realise I’m not “fine”, exactly.”

“Yes.”

“It’s been a while since I had some downtime and today was just...well. Nothing terrible happened, rather several small things put me on edge and here we are.”

“So, what are your options? Can you go to the club? Or do you have a...a backup or whatever, for times like this?” Ben sighed so heavily she thought he might be overly exaggerating, but as she looked at him, the lines on his face, the tension in him, seemed on that level of strained discomfort. 

“No, nothing like that. I mean, I could go to Protocol, but I highly doubt someone could get me what I need right now in a cold scene. You know I’m not easy; even Tom can have a time, what chance does a random person have?”

The reality of his situation had her biting her lip in distress. Had she never seen Ben being dominated, she might discount what he’d said, but she had watched him and Tom, and thus she knew that it wasn’t just a matter of finding another dominant on the fly. She desperately wanted to help him, but she had no idea how at this moment.

“All right. Is there anything I can do?”

“Unless you suddenly became adept at domination, no.” He didn’t look at her, staring straight ahead, and she had no idea if he’d intended his flat words to cut her, but they had.

“That’s not fair, Ben. I want to help if I can and because you need specific things, I’m trying to suss out if there’s any sort of need I could meet.”

He sighed again, his eyes sliding closed for a long moment before he opened them again and shifted on the sofa until he could meet her gaze. “I apologise, Shazza. I know you want to help me. I wish you could.”

She chewed at her lip remembering something she’d seen Tom do once, when Louis had been over and thus physical play hadn’t been allowed. She wasn’t sure she was strong enough but she was absolutely willing to try. “I want to try something, if you’ll indulge me?”

“What?”

“Stand up for just a second.” Once Ben stood, Shannon stacked pillows against the arm of the sofa. She made herself comfortable, setting her feet on the cushion and letting her legs fall open, then beckoned him over. “You know how this works.”

Ben pressed his lips together, considering, then nodded. “All right. We can try it.” 

He settled between her spread thighs, his back resting against her chest, his head resting on her shoulder, her legs framing his hips, as if they were sharing a bath. She placed her feet over and between his legs, wrapped her arms around his chest, and, having boxed him in, squeezed tightly. He whined and turned his head, pressing his forehead against her neck, his unsteady breath gusting over her suddenly flushed skin. It was so close to what he needed, and yet just that final bit short, she could feel it in him; still, when she had to loosen her grip on him, he was more relaxed than he’d been all evening. She unclasped her hands, slipping one under his shirt and rubbing soothing circles over his belly while she crossed her other arm across his chest so she could cup the side of his head, fingers stroking through his hair.

“Status?”

“Bit better,” he said without opening his eyes. 

Fair enough, she thought, not eager to see that fact in his eyes. It wasn’t a very good feeling knowing there was a point past which you couldn’t really help someone you loved. Still, though, the lines of tension in his face had lessened, and she’d take that.

***

Shannon stood in the door to the office/spare bedroom chewing her lip for a moment before she decided to actually start the conversation she’d been thinking a lot about lately. “Tom, I want to talk to you about something...delicate.”

Tom set the papers he’d had in his hands down and gave her his attention. “What do you need, sweetheart?”

“Not me. Well, sort of me, but it’s really about Ben.”

Cocking his head to the side, he asked, “What about him?”

“I’ve been turning something around in my mind for a while now and I think I’m ready to discuss an idea with you.” He nodded and she took a few moments to gather her thoughts then sat down on the edge of the bed. “So, remember a few weeks ago when Ben needed downtime and you weren’t here?”

Tom nodded again. “And you helped him.”

“I really didn’t help him much at all, but that’s what I’ve been chewing on. I’d like to learn how. To help him, I mean.”

Tom’s eyebrows drew in as she denied his words, but he turned thoughtful at the rest of her words. “You want to learn domination?”

“I want to learn how to dominate _Ben_.”

He rolled his lower lip between his teeth, considering, and she wondered if she hadn’t somehow blundered into insulting him. The thing was, from all the angles she’d examined it was a good idea. There had been other times when Ben had been left to deal as best he could, because he and Tom were both rising international stars and their schedules weren’t nearly as flexible as they’d been in the past. She hadn’t ever thought of herself as a domme, but she’d come to understand that she had the drive and desire to take care of Ben and that this was simply another way she could do that. The whimper he’d given when she’d squeezed him on the sofa--close but not enough--still upset her when she thought about it. She’d _wanted_ to give him what he’d needed so badly, had considered trying for a split second before coming to her senses; what he’d needed at the time had seemed out of reach for her, but thinking about it away from the moment, she’d realised she wasn’t averse to learning. She loved Ben and she never wanted to be in the position they’d been in again. She could step out of her mold for him. And for Tom as well, who hated not being able to be there when Ben _needed_ so badly.

“I’m guessing you haven’t spoken to him about this yet.”

“No, I wanted to go over it with you first to see if you thought it was a viable idea. No point in bringing it up with him if not.”

“Sweetheart,” Tom murmured, smiling at her as he stood up and moved over to sit beside her on the bed, wrapping his arm around her and squeezing. “Of course you could learn to be a dominant. You’ve probably never thought about it because you weren’t close to anyone who has needs like Ben does. You’re a carer.”

“Not all carers, Tom,” she said, smirking.

“Course not,” he agreed easily, “but in this case, it’s an important part of the equation. That, along with enjoying similar things, is what will help you become a fantastic domme.”

She looked up at him. “You think so?”

“You’re learning it out of love and with the idea that you can then care for him in whatever way he may need, so yes. I think you may be surprised at how little changes in your life. You already do most everything domination requires because you _are_ a carer, you’re just going to learn how to apply it differently.”

“By hurting him.”

“Yes, in part. But as you learn how to dominate him, you’ll learn how to determine what he needs, even if it may not exactly match what he wants. That’s a bit tricky sometimes, as you’ve seen.”

“And that’s what I want, Tom. I’m not going to be hiring out my services as a domme, I’ll be taking care of one specific person with exceptionally specific needs. I understand that I’ll be learning generic basics to build on, but I’m going to be doing this for Ben, that’s it.”

Tom nodded. “All right.”

“What, all right?”

“If Ben agrees, I’ll teach you.”

“On Ben.”

“That would be why I need explicit consent from him, yes.”

“Just making sure.”

“That’s another big piece of dominating - communication. Verbal and non-verbal, both equally important. Always check in, especially if you’re not certain. It’s better to ask too many times than to miss something. The worst that happens is your sub says, what the fuck with all the questions, and you shrug it off. Ben probably won’t do that to you straight out of the gate, but you know he’ll do it eventually because he can’t help himself.”

She nodded, wondering if she could ever push Ben the way Tom could. Would Ben even need that from her at all or would dynamics change when she was trying to dominate him? Would she be enough?

“Shazza.”

She came back to the present at Tom’s firm tone. “Sorry, I was…” she trailed off into a sigh.

“Worrying if you can actually take this on effectively?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s easy to get yourself twisted up about it. I have similar thoughts sometimes.”

Her eyes flew to his. “What? Really?”

“I do. I’m not infallible, you know. Not even with you and you’re so very sweet in your submission.”

“And Ben is far from sweet?”

“Well, it looks like you may have the chance to find out just what it does feel like to receive his submission, so you can tell me.”

“If he allows it. I need to talk to him about it now.”

“Just so. I believe he’ll appreciate the gesture no matter what he decides in the end.”

“I sure hope so.”

Tom stood and held his arms open for her to walk into, hugging her tightly. “It’ll be all right. You’ll see.”

She wrapped her arms tightly around him and hoped it would be.

***

It took a week to have an evening free between both her and Ben, but finally she was walking into his flat and taking an appreciative sniff at the delicious food aromas. She kicked off her shoes, left her bag hanging by the door, and wandered into the kitchen. Ben had put a bottle of red wine on the counter to breathe, but he wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

“Be there in a moment,” he called out. He was upstairs, likely in the bedroom.

“Okay,” she replied, opening the oven to see a pizza box from Stefano’s and a couple of other smaller boxes. She grinned, happy, as always, to be eating food from the excellent hole in the wall restaurant. Hearing Ben on the stairs, she took the boxes out and set them on the cooktop.

He wrapped his arms loosely around her from behind and gently swayed them. “Thanks.” 

Turning in his arms, she smiled up at him and tipped her head to accept his kiss. “Hi,” she said when he’d pulled back a little.

“Hi.” He pressed another soft kiss to her mouth before letting his arms drop and stepping back. “Shall we feast?”

“On pizza from Stefano’s? We most definitely shall.”

He grinned as he moved around her to begin opening boxes. “There’s also focaccia. And salad, though that’s in the fridge.”

“What’s in this box?”

“I need to show you the ticket first.” He handed her the ticket with the order on it, which had “pickup for bc” on it, followed by a handwritten note that said, “include lasagne on the house” marked with a large A and checked off.

“Is this going to become a thing? Because she did this the last we were both in there, too. That night with the chicken ecstasy. How did she even know I’d be here? Did you say something when you placed the order?”

“I did not, but I also enjoy the lasagna, so I would gratefully accept her gustatory coddling whether you’d be partaking or not.”

She rolled her eyes though her words were fond as she told him to cut the pizza already. He laughed and did so as she got some napkins and took the box with the focaccia to the table. Ben got out the salad bowl from the refrigerator as she returned to get some silverware, so she took it back with her.

“Shall I pour the wine?”

“Take the bottle to the table and pour there.”

“Okay.” She collected the glasses and bottle and by the time she was pouring, Ben was bringing the pizza box over as well.

“Cheers.” He took one of the glasses and tapped it gently to hers before taking a sip.

“Cheers. Now let’s eat.” They sat and each took a slice of pizza, not bothering with the salad immediately. “Oh my God, this is so great,” she mumbled as she wolfed down the first slice, then another. Ben didn’t bother to do more than hum in response, eating just as quickly. Once they’d satisfied their immediate hunger, Shannon found herself wondering if she should march straight into the topic or if it should wait until after they’d finished eating just in case the conversation didn’t go well.

Ben reached over and put his hand over hers. “I know you’ve got something on your mind, my love, shall we talk about it?”

Well, all right then. “I do. It’s...well, it could be a delicate matter.”

“Delicate as in you’re not quite certain how you want to frame it or delicate as in, I’m going to need to empty this glass of wine and at least half of another before I can even contemplate hearing what you’re thinking?”

She snorted with laughter. “More of the former.”

“That’s all right then.” He took a drink of wine. “There’s nothing you could say that will make me toss you out on your ear, even if it’s not exactly how you’d hoped to frame it. I know you’re a good person.”

“Thank you, Ben,” she said, touched. “It’s something I can’t have helped but notice over the time we’ve been together, and...well. Remember that night a few weeks ago where you needed downtime and I couldn’t really help you?”

“I do,” he answered, neutral.

“I asked what I could do and you said nothing unless I’d suddenly become adept at domination.”

His brows drew in. “I didn’t mean to hurt you when I said that.”

“I know that,” she said, waving off his words, even though at that time they had indeed hurt her. “It got me thinking, though, if that might be a potential solution. Me becoming adept at domination, I mean.”

His mouth opened slightly but he didn’t say anything, the crease between his brows deepening into a frown. A moment later, his eyes widened before his entire face smoothed out to neutral. “Tell me what you mean by that.”

She thought he knew exactly what she meant, but couldn’t knock his request for specificity in a relationship that would always rely on clear communication. “I want to learn how to dominate _you_. Your specific wants and needs, not just domination in general. I don’t want any of us to have to go through that again if at all possible. I mean, I realise there will be times where distance makes it impossible for one of us to be with you, but I want to take care of you, Ben. All the pieces of you. And it’s finally occurred to me that I _can_.”

“Shannon…” he said hoarsely, trailing off for a moment, before clearing his throat and trying again. “You don’t have to do that, I’m not...it doesn’t happen very often after all and--” 

“I want to do it,” she interjected firmly. “Not just for you, but for all of us.” 

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, letting go of her hand to rub his hands over his face. “I...I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you’ll think about it. This isn’t something you need to answer right now, I want you to think it through, not say something off the cuff that you might regret later. I just needed to broach the subject.”

“All right. I will absolutely think about it.” He reached back to take her hand again, squeezing hard. “Thank you. I mean that. I love you so much. It means the world that you’d make an offer like that.”

She shrugged awkwardly. “We’re worth it.”

“Of course we are. Tell me - did you ask Tom to teach you?” At her slightly guilty look, he huffed a laugh. “Like you wouldn’t talk to Tom about this first. I’m guessing you wouldn’t have brought it up to me had he nixed the idea.”

“I wouldn’t have, no, because I wouldn’t want to cause your harm in trying to help.”

“Unless it’s consensual, of course.” Whether he’d deliberately deepened his voice or no, she felt the low husky words settle in her belly, warming her.

“Naturally.” Her own voice was noticeably lower and huskier. She cleared her throat. “I’d be learning on you, so consent is required all the way around.”

He blinked slowly, then his face lit up as he grinned. “Of course you would be, since it’s me you’re learning for. This is going to be _brilliant_!”

“It might be,” she replied with another awkward shrug. “Or it could crash off the rails and our relationship could end up in a twisted, fiery pile of detritus at the bottom of a steep ravine.”

Ben’s face fell. “Hey, no, none of that,” he implored, sliding off the sofa to kneel next to her, rubbing his hands up and down her thighs. She gasped softly as she looked down at him, a flutter of something indescribable stirring inside her. Ben must have caught some piece of it on her face, because his genuine earnestness at causing her such distress settled into something close to smug. “I think we’ll be fine.” 

She ran her hand over Ben’s head, fingers stroking through his curls, stopping herself tugging on them, not wanting to offer anything she couldn’t deliver on tonight. Ben took a deep breath and released it on a long sigh as he rested his head on her thigh. She continued to pet him, hoping he was finding it as soothing as she was at the moment. It was also soothing to remember how Tom had told her she might be surprised at how little would change. She would have done exactly this before her realisation, and though Ben’s position as well as the differently flavoured curl of warmth related to it were new, her need to take care of him wasn’t. 

“Maybe we will be.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find us [here](https://cumberhardhiddlesbitch.tumblr.com/) over at tumblr and say hey or ask questions or just look at our pretty, pretty boys.


End file.
